Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
