just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize