would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
