Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
