yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
