we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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