Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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