Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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