the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
