He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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