It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
