I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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