His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
