I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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