sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
