My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
