I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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