hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You don't make any sense
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