I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
