We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
