Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize