well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
