i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
