conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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