I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
