why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
not ubering you a puppy
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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