physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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