I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
zippers are such a cool invention
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
