You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
