I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
