We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We had to coat check the pizza.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
