wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
