Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
