okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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