She's JV to your varsity
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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