the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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