you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
