what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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