So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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