North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
