All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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