Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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