I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
