i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
