It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
