I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
