Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
