Im at strip club and am horny
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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