the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
