hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize