This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
