No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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