I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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