NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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