Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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