we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
