I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
