My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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