Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
