LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
