I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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