I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
