I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
