JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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